How to Die Well
“Death destroys a man, but the idea of death saves him.”
Psalm 102: Fade to Black
The Psalms are jam-packed with real people going through real things. One of the “real things” we all go through is Death. We all die, but few of us think through how those final years—or days—will actually play out.
As you age, and enter into what are sometimes called the “twilight years,” what kind of person will you be? One author says that, as we age, we cannot avoid becoming an “Old Fool.” Our only choice is what kind of old fool we will become. There are three kinds:
Pathetic old fools: 70 year olds acting like they’re 20, like they’re in a perpetual episode of Friends. They are not ready for what’s next, not set up for death—their final years are ill-planned, and will cast a heavy burden on their children and community.
Embittered old fools: They are angry and resentful at how disappointing life has been. They say “Kids these days” a lot, and complain about “this generation.” They about where “society” is going—always to hell. This is being pessimistic, but actively making life worse for everyone.
Holy old fools: They embrace their final chapter, the “radical discipleship” of utilizing these remaining years for the glory of God. They are a source of wisdom, an inspiration, and a pleasure to be around. Filled with joyful conversation and encouragement to others. They have planned out their end-of-life care—retirement, assets, and legacy are all in order. Their kids will not be left picking up the pieces of a broken life, but will celebrate the finality of a wonderful life well-lived. Holy old fools are wells of experience, having followed Jesus for years, and learned the faithfulness of God in every season.
“There is such a thing as a good death. We are responsible for the way we die. We have to choose between clinging to life in such a way that death becomes nothing but a failure, or letting go of life in freedom so that we can be given to others as a source of hope. ”
The example of Jesus’ death
The final days of Jesus’ life teach us something about how to trust God with our final years. When it came to his death, Jesus wasn’t worried or anxious, or afraid of pain or what would happen to the next generation.
Instead, Jesus approaches his final days confidently. His death does not come as a surprise or a disruption. He lays down his own life willingly:
John 10v17-18 I lay down my life that I may take it up again. 18 No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again.
The model of death that Jesus gives us is one of willing self-sacrifice. We should treat the end of our life as one of the most important lifestages we will go through. As he later says, “It is to your advantage that I leave” (John 16v7). Our death can be a good thing!
After all, Jesus’ death is where we have atonement for sin. It is the basis of our forgiveness; It’s the “cruciform” shape of our lives. It’s the invitation to follow him. Jesus’ death is our salvation!
Embracing our own death
Psalm 102v18 “Let this be recorded for a generation to come,
so that a people yet to be created may praise YHWH.”
The psalmist in Psalm 102 wants to leave something behind as a blessing to “a generation to come.” He wants his death to be a good thing. Here are some tips for how to leave behind something good for your children, and the next generation:
Leave behind a legacy without headaches. Make sure the details are in order. Your will, your funeral, your assets, your inheritance—get these things figured out ahead of time so that your children or church family are not left picking up the pieces.
Leave behind a life without bitterness. Deal with any lingering drama between you and loved ones or friends. Offer forgiveness and restoration. Reconcile and extend healing to people whom you’ve hurt; ask for the same in return from people who hurt you (if advisable). Don’t leave behind brokenness—instead, leave behind a sweet memory of your final years.
Leave behind a love without regret. Lastly, in the example of Jesus, he didn’t have any regrets. The most common regret that dying people have is “I wish I didn’t work so hard.” They are regretful that they didn’t emphasize relationships, faith, and love above everything else that seemed to be so important at the time. Jesus didn’t do that; in fact, his last days were all about serving others. No regrets, just love.